he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
