I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
