Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
My liver is preforming stress tests.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
