Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
