Three words: puerto rican gang bang
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
