She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
