At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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