can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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