Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
