he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Randomize
