Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
