I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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