i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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