I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
