he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
