You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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