Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
