are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
