my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
