I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Randomize
