The best revenge is premature balding
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
