And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Randomize
