I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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