My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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