I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
