I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
