If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Randomize
