my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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