I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
