I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
