I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
