Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
