toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
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