it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
