He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Randomize
