regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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