when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
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