i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
