I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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