Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
