I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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