shes about as inviting as chlamydia
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
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