the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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