There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
