Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
