i just sent this text using only my big toe
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
