Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
