he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
FUCK WHALES
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
