We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
