The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
