when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
