I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
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