So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
