i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
