There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
