I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
