How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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